23 January 2011

*Waiting

Intro: Once again, my husband and I were having a late night conversation (always entertaining especially since both of us are up before 5:00). I had been listening to an audio book to and from work where a woman has a dilemma about remarrying after her husband passes away. In my life I have seen multiple successful second marriages. So, interested, I asked my husband if he would ever think about remarrying if I passed away. He replied that it would depend. He asked the question back and I responded in similar fashion. After a moment's pause he asked. "What if I were gone for, say, six years. Would you remarry?" The groggy conversation ensued with me finally determining that if something were to ever happen to him, I would wait six years before getting remarried. That would give him enough time do to whatever he needed to and then come back.

"If I were to die, would you remarry?" I ask turning in the bed to face the dark lump of my husband, Greg.

"Wha?" he mumbles, his voice thick with sleep. "Maybe, I guess. It all depends."

I sigh, thinking of the latest book I'd been listening to which broached the topic.

"Would you remarry, Susan?" he asks.

"It depends."

"What if I disappeared for six years? Would you remarry then, beautiful?"

"Six years? Is that how long this is going to take?"

He doesn't reply and I hear his even breathing of sleep. I lay there for a moment longer when a coughing fit strikes. So as not to disturb my husband, I roll out of bed and shuffle to the kitchen for a drink of water. After a minute or two I stumble back into the bedroom. The lump signifying my husband is gone. With the bed completely stripped and every light on in our small house on, I sit in the middle of the floor shivering. The police find no evidence. Greg is soon forgotten by almost everyone.



#



"It's been six years," Janet says stirring her hot chocolate.

I don't reply and remain focused on the rain outside the window. Not quite six years. In three days it would be exactly six years. Only Jeffery was in my life now. Greg seemingly a fragment of my imagination who came to visit my dreams occasionally.

"Hasn't Jeffery asked you?"

"Several times," I reply pulling my gaze away from the gray world. "Maybe next time—"

"If there is a next time. You've been stringing him along for three years. He's not going to stick around much longer."

I twist the wedding ring on my finger. I can't, not until I'm sure. The idea of getting married when Greg might come back, awful. Even if he is only a figment of my imagination, he still tugs at me. The phone rings and I move over to get it.

"Hey, sexy," Jeffery's voice heats my face. "Have any plans tonight?"

"What do you think?" I reply.

"I think you want to join me for a romantic evening."

I chew my lip, "Jeffery, I already told you."

"I know. This is purely a platonic romantic evening."

I remain silent listening to my own heartbeat waver slightly at the sound of his voice.

"Please, Susan. I promise I will remain completely respectable."

Guilt pricks me, and I lean my head against the wall. "What time?"

"I'll be there at 5:00. Wear something slinky."

"Jeffery."

"Sorry, Sorry. Something nice. Love you."

He hangs up before I can even think of replying.

"So, have a hot date?" Janet asks.

I think about throwing the phone at her.



#



"I just want you to think about it," Jeffery says, pushing the little box towards me. "I don't need an answer right away."

"No," I use my fork to push it back. "I've already told you."

"Blast it all, Susan. Are you just going to pine away waiting for a husband who is long dead?"

"Greg," my voice cracks and tears blur my vision for a moment. "I can't, not when Greg."

"He's dead."

I shake my head and stand up, clutching my purse in one hand and rubbing my arm where goose bumps had been for years.

"You were only married for what, a year? Is one year of marriage really worth six years of loneliness?"

"I'm not lonely." The words fall hollow on my ears. Three more days. That's all I need to be sure.

"Don't lie to yourself. I know you sleep on the couch every night."

"Where I sleep has nothing to do with you," I try to keep my voice even but a lump in my throat flubs the whole thing. "I explained everything to you when we first started seeing each other."

"Fine. Whatever," he throws his napkin down on the table and pushes back his chair.

Everyone in the restaurant stares as he stalks out of the building. Leaving me with the check. I put it on my credit card and stare at the uneaten food. I drop my purse on the floor and eat the whole piece of triple chocolate, molten fudge cake. I feel sick. For a moment I hate Greg.

I don't go to work the next day and ignore the ringing phone, stuffing my head under a pillow until I fall asleep again.



#



"I'm sorry," I mumble raising my head from the couch. "I didn't mean to doubt you."

The dream Greg fades and I look into the concerned face of Jeffery. I hastily scramble away from him, pulling the blanket closer.

"Why do you put yourself through this? I'm just as good as Greg."

"I never said you weren't," I reply looking for any way to get around him or remove him from my house.

"See, so marry me."

"But I love Greg," I whisper, finally voicing my inner thoughts.

"But he left you."

"You don't know that."

Jeffery storms off, throwing his hands in the air. I make a break for it and duck into the bedroom I rarely enter.

"Good morning, beautiful," a voice says softly.

The chill in my bones slowly disperses as I look at the familiar figure lying stretched out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Something smashes against the door and we listen as Jeffery storms out of the house. Greg looks over at me, his eyes bright and mischievous.

I fold my arms across my chest, "You have some explaining to do."

"Susan, it's not what you think."

I pick up a pillow and thwack his chest with it. "You can explain in the morning."

He rolls over, leaning on his hand and looking at me.

"Tonight, you sleep on the couch," I say and walk from the room.

He is alive. I can marry without guilt, as soon as I find someone to love and finalized the divorce.

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