For the last few minutes I have been chanting this in my mind. Apparently I only now get motivated to write on my blog when I am admitting to a mistake. My friends at work all tell me that I need to write these things down so if there are other Foster Parents out there who feel the same way they don't have to feel it alone. Or something like that.
Tech is a great kid. I don't want anyone to think otherwise. He just hasn't had the environment to learn, grow, and develop as a healthy child in a stable, loving environment. When you are labeled as mentally retarded, never to live on your own, placed with the children with down syndrome in school, and given mood altering medications instead of being taught proper coping techniques, you just don't learn everything you need to. (Can you tell how I feel about some of his previous caregivers?)
My problem is sometimes I want to treat him as if he doesn't have that past, and I can't. It doesn't matter that he has lived 12 years because no one taught him how to be a 12-year-old.
Tonight he and a friend made plans to go see a movie at the local theater. They made the plans at 5 and the movie started at 7. Tech rushed home to get dinner and made a deal with us regarding getting his allowance early so he could go to the movies. This friend (who is a really good friend and kid in general) ended up helping his grandparents with watering their fields because his dad was too sick to do it. Because he chose to help his grandparents they didn't make it to the movie. They are now going to see it tomorrow.
Tech is no longer functioning this evening as a rational being. Something about not going to the movie with his friend has caused him to meltdown. We tried to encourage him in some activities (activities that if he would complete would mean that he would no longer have to make a deal with us regarding his allowance). Nothing. He pretends to be asleep sitting on the couch and when we call his name he opens his eyes and then closes them again as if he didn't hear us and is still asleep.
There are days I wonder if this is actually normal 12-year-old behavior. I mean no one likes to have fun plans cancelled, but the plans were just delayed, and he could have earned his entire allowance instead of it being reduced due to not completing his work. I just don't know some days. Maybe it is a good thing that we don't have any measuring stick. But right now, as I type this blog post and wonder what he is doing in his room, I just keep thinking "I'm an awful mother."
I remember being that age. Little things could become huge in your mind. So having something not work out could be catastrophic for him. Plus he was in the mind set of going to the movies and then was offered to do chores instead. That wouldn't really help him get over the disappointment.
ReplyDeleteI guess there are still little things that get me all worked up too. You should have seen me when a pair of trousers I was making didn't work out.
Delete(We weren't making Kolby do chores instead of going to the movie. His friend was doing chores because his dad and grandpa were both sick. We offered to play games and things like that when the movie was cancelled.)
I had a boy scout that became very non-responsive at an activity because his friend had to cancel plans for the next day. I would say that it's an established response for that age. I don't know if it's "normal" but then what is? You ought to see Kanga when plans don't go through. While I would feel very bad for non-responsive, I think I would take it over ballistic any day of the week. Granted, a ballistic 6 year old isn't that bad.
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