Optimism vs. Resignation

For the past several months I've have been going to the doctor's for a persistent injury. This injury has been hanging around longer than I care to think about and still doesn't seem to show any signs of disappearing completely. It has made my life difficult at times and I really, really wish it would just go away for good. This week when I went for another visit I was trying not to think about what the doctor was saying because I knew I would burst into tears. I'd already done that once to him and he felt so guilty about it. As the nurse was completing the appropriate paperwork for the visit and getting me ready for another visit she commented on the fact that I was always so positive about everything. I am pleased that she thinks I'm positive but part of me wanted to laugh and explain that every time I go home from a visit I breakdown. My poor husband doesn't know what to do when I'm in such a mood. I am glad someone sees me as optimistic because I don't. I am resigned which is not the same as optimism. I just hope that someday my resignation does become true optimism. It's something I'm going to work on as this whole process continues. Maybe it will be easier this time around if I am looking at the positive as much as I can.