Writing Action

This is one of the few times where I would specify sentence length. Even when we are reading silently we notice punctuation in the way we breathe. Having sentences that are short will get the reader to breath more rapidly. This can simulate an accelerated heart-rate and give your actions sequences more of a punch.

Knowing that you need to write short sentences is not the only thing to keep in mind when writing action. The other trouble with writing action is making it sound realistic, and not that it is a play-by-play of a video game arena battle. It is really easy to focus on the people involved in the fight and the technical details of the attacks which turns into:

Jerry attacked with a right hook. John dodged out of the way and did a roundhouse kick. Jerry rolled to the right. He kicked with his right foot, connecting with John's knee. John fell to the floor gasping in pain.

Instead you can focus on character's emotions, or even objects to help smooth out the fight. (I don't normally write one on one fight scenes.)

Jerry lifted his hands, watching John closely. He knew it would be difficult to win. His first punch went wide. John attacked. Jerry rolled to the right. Sweat broke out on his forehead. He wanted to wipe it away but instead kicked. He wasn't a fighter. But, he needed to keep the other man away. It connected with John's knee. The man fell to the floor. Jerry looked down at the figure gasping in pain. He didn't want it to end this way.